It wasn't nice to come home to a sick daddy. Haven't seen him for a week so I went straight to his room only to see him sleeping. So I snuggled for a while and then left him rest. Ummi told me that he has been like this even while at KL.

When he walked slowly to the kitchen, he stopped for a moment when he saw me. I know he's expecting my usual huge grin but I just couldn't even look at him in that state. So I pretended not to see because I knew my heart would break into tiny pieces.

Yes adik, I heard you crying last night. Pretended again, to be sleep because how can I comfort you when I can't even make sense of anything at all.

Fudge. I'm so bloody selfish. Not to mention, in a state of denial too.

I really want to cry too but my ego just wouldn't let me. Does that make any sense? Crying is a sign of hopelessness. So no, definitely no tears allowed. I fell asleep last night, mumbling prayers for my parents.

When I was a teenager, I often felt like I was fighting.. I have no idea what I'm fighting for, but I just got to keep going.. It's tiring and drains out all emotions. Sadly, it's exactly what I'm doing now.

Till then.